Guys I Would Love To Find Under My Tree

A few days ago there was a post on HelloGiggles about well, guys the author wouldn't mind finding under her tree.  The author, Heather, wrote to Santa about 10 guys who are pretty yummy.

If I could get Santa to place a handsome guy under my tree, then I would be a pretty happy girl. I don't have any gifts wrapped under my tree at all, so a guy may scare the bejesus out of me.  But he would have to wrapped, and what guy would allow himself to be wrapped in pretty wrapping paper and placed on cold linoleum?  And an unconscious guy who was drugged or bludgeoned and probably bleeding isn't something I really wanna find in my kitchen.  (My tree is setup in my kitchen because that's where I had the most room and best windows.)

Don't get me wrong - Santa if you are reading this - I would still like a cute guy as a gift, just don't put him under my tree.  Maybe slip him my address, have him bring coffee and a cranberry-orange scone to me one morning. It maybe a hard feat, but come on Santa, you can work some miracles.  While I know it's far fetched to believe one of the guys I would accept with no argument would just show up on my doorstep, I'm gonna throw it out there.

Ryan Gosling

It is no secret I find him attractive beyond normal standards.  He's handsome as all get out, a fantastic actor, can play piano and guitar, oh and he has abs that you could do laundry on.  I could just image him making coffee every morning, serving it to me in bed, then grabbing the guitar we keep beside the bed to serenade the dogs (his and mine) and me. Oh, he likes magic.  He goes to this restaurant in LA called the Magic Castle, a members only restaurant.  It sounds like an awesome date night. Are you listening Ryan, I would enjoy this place more than any other girl!

Jason Segel

Like the above guy, Jason can play the piano and even composes songs.  He's handsome and wonderfully hilarious. Every night I watch How I Met Your Mother and swoon.  Yeah, he's that good at his job.  If you've seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall, well then you've seen him naked and that's not a bad site.  Full frontal and I was impressed.  Although, I'm not sure he has much of a tushy, but I can deal with that.  Oh, and he not only starred in Sarah Marshall and The Muppets, HE WROTE THEM!  The music in the movies...yeah he had a hand in composing the songs.  And rewind on that one, he BROUGHT BACK THE MUPPETS!  I grew up watching the Muppet movies and The Muppet Babies.  One drawback may be that he has a puppet room at home.  I'm ok with this, except the door would need to be locked at night and have those motion sensor security lights that also come on when power goes out.  I'm not going to get scared one night when he's off shooting HIMYM or his next film and there is a storm causing a tree to scratch on the windows.  Yeah, I've thought about this in great detail.  I truly think he's one of those perfect guys. He's Marshall Eriksen for goodness sakes.  I can name a few other reasons.  He cried when he met Kermit.  He's been 6'4" since he was twelve.  He's a good Jewish boy.  On Thanksgiving he tweeted a pic of himself and his little sister.  And he tweets about his favorite food items (kinda won me over with his top five sandwiches).  Despite being tall, he's afraid of heights;  both of which I suffer from also.  Lastly, he and I could procreate our own basketball team!


Jorma Taccone

Not only is he one third of the awesomely cool rap trio The Lonely Island, but he writes for a load of NBC shows.  He wrote, directed, and starred in an episode of Up All Night with Maya Rudolph and Christina Applegate, not to mention all his SNL appearances.  Jorma is a very small fellow, so it's slightly weird that I find him so attractive. But he's just so darn cute and funny I can't help myself.  And while I'm at it, just throw in that equally adorable friend Andy Samberg while you're at it.

John Cusack

Ok, so he's forty-six, but he's John-freaking-Cusack!  He's just...yeah, I've been in love with him since I first watched Say Anything as a preteen.

Young Kevin Costner

Honestly, any Kevin Costner. First actor love. He was Robin Hood and in about 8 baseball movies - ok that may be an exaggeration. 

Finn Hud - I mean - Cory Monteith

Tall, Canadian, and loves hockey. Enough for me, but add in that he can sing and play the drums, sold.

Timmy Tebow

Not because he looks like that or is a sensation this year.  I've adored Tim since he first started for the Gators.  And when you learn of what an amazing person he is, it trumps all other things.  He's a good Christian boy who's family raised him going on yearly mission trips in the Philippines and he still makes time to give back.  I am a Tebow fan for more than just the arm.  Ok, well the arms are very, very nice.  And those thighs and butt.  Gotta move on...

I'm really finding it hard to make it to ten guys.  I have some Honorable Mentions though:  

Ben Affleck - I can't take him from his lady. They are just too cute and she's a fellow West Virginia girl.

Mat Kearney - That voice, those eyes, yeah.

Timmy Thomas - He's a beast on the ice.

Edit - Forgot about one Honorable Mention.  Prince Harry - He's just so handsome. He could be my Prince Charming. 

Buying For People Who Are Hard to Shop For

This year I have found myself struggling to come up with awesome gifts to give my loved ones.  I set the bar pretty high with my stepdad's gift last year.  He keeps saying when they add on to their house there will be a huge media room.  He will have a awesome record player, his awesome keyboard my mom got for him two years ago, and musical/movie themed art.  So I framed some awesome albums for the walls.  He was absolutely thrilled with them; I believe he said "best gift ever".   I have spent hours online window shopping for everyone on my list (mom, stepdad, brother, stepsister, brother-in-law, ect.) and I can not come up with something awesome to purchase and gift for my mom and brother.  What do you buy a mother with everything or the ability to purchase it for herself? As for my brother, well he's just so damn picky, claiming he just wants a Visa gift card, nothing really tangible, except the plastic card and outer wrapper. But we'll get to that later.

My mom is my best friend.  I know her likes and dislikes.  I know her have's and have not's. She just has the capability to purchase anything for herself.  My stepdad is very successful and my mom could be on the Real Housewives of South Florida or something like that. I think I have finally decided on something Adele or Lady Gaga related. She's a huge fan of both and we jam out all the time.  My stepsister got them vintage vinyl this year, but lets face it, it's kinda copying my gift from last year.

Now my brother and I had a huge disagreement over his gift. He asks for Visa gift cards from everyone so he can waste his money on something stupid he'll use once and never use again.  I have a problem with that because I don't want to know he's pawned the item he purchased with the money.  He does that pretty often.  So this year when I pretty much demanded he chose a gift under $200, he wasn't happy.  When he asked for a gift card, I let him know the gift card would be for substantially less.  Is that wrong of me?  I don't think so.  I want to hand something to someone rather than money or a card.  Especially him, because he will waste it on something he doesn't need.  He is a jobless man-child who lives with our grandfather.  He has things he really needs, but he won't spend money the correct way.   He ended up asking for something for the entire amount, go figure.  First he wanted me to buy him a PS3.  Finally, I bought him a crazy expensive coffee maker for him and my grandpa.  My coffee maker cost $60. I spent $190 on this Keurig maker for them.

I wanted to buy my aunt something nice, but she only wants money also.  She took in my Golden Retriever when I lost the time to take care of her. She has done A LOT for me over the years.  She's my second mom.  She works really hard, and is a care giver to my grandpa.

As for me, I say I'm pretty easy to buy for.  I love the Red Sox, Bruins, Mountaineers, pretty dresses, nice shoes, Fiesta ware, movies, books, and music, in no specific order.  Oh, and sea turtles; I like sea turtle trinkets.  My stepsis got me two of those things with her gifts for me doing her hair for her wedding and my Christmas gift.  She got me this really cute sea turtle bracelet and Bruins earrings.  I adore both of them.  My parents, however, gave me money.

Money, after I sent them lists of things I find amazing.  The lists had probably a thousand things to chose from.  Now the decision for what to purchase for myself is up to me.  When I don't need anything, it's hard to decide what I need the most of my wants.  When it comes down to it, I don't need any of it.  My mom will tell me to get something for my apartment.  There's a problem with that, I've lived on my own for 6 years, I have all those things.  I purchased the last of the needs last year, a new dining table and chairs.  I really want a record player, but I have no albums to play on it.  I left all of them at my dad's and have no way to get them.

My mom's sisters are giving me gift cards also.  They don't have to, they just chose to be lazy.  One basically told me I can only have a gift card from two places: The Gap, or American Eagle.  I don't shop at either store.  I saved the gift cards from AE from last Christmas until July this year.  I had $60 and got a bunch of tops on sale.  A few of them, I haven't worn.  I told her the stores I like shopping at, and she could have one of her sisters get the gift card for her or order online.  I don't feel like if someone is going to give me a gift, it's in bad taste for me to tell them what I like or that I won't like it.  I also told my family to donate the money to one of my charities.  And NO ONE has done so.  My stepdad was going to, but my mom told him not to.

What does an adult buy when they have money to spare?  Do tell please.

Let's Talk About Skin

I am a creature of habit when it comes to my skin.  I have used Origins Cheeks & Balance cleanser & Balanced Diet moisturizer for 10 years. TEN YEARS! And if there was a time I ran out before getting to Charleston when I lived in WV, I'd used the same thing I used before I switched, Neutrogena Deep Clean Cream Cleanser or the newer and hard to find Rapid Clear cleanser - basically the same but fights oil a little harder. I love the Rapid Clear line.  I use the two-in-one Clear Pore cleanser/mask as a mask in rotation with Origins Charcoal mask or one of the $1.99 deep sea mud masks from Ulta. Before I switched to Bare Minerals foundation, I used Almay Clear Complexion liquid foundation with salicylic acid. I tend to go towards things which keep me from breaking out.  Not a huge problem for me, except during that dreaded time of the month. So, I just like to stay ahead of the game and be completely preventive. During the humid Summer months when I have been tanning (I know, it's bad for my skin) I use a tinted moisturizer from Almay or Clinique or nothing at all in leu of a more full coverage option.

When I made the switch to Bare Minerals, I've never been more happy with a change.  I received more compliments after the switch than I had ever received before.  I've never been a heavy makeup wearer, I tend to go very natural and switch it up my eye shadows to something crazy on days I need a compliment or two. When my aunt looks at me first thing in the morning, when I think I look the worst and says "what have you changed with your face routine? Your skin looks amazing."  I beamed and pushed for my mom to make the change.

The only item I change like I change hair products (I like trying new things when it comes to hair care) is my mascara. I've been using Maybelline's Lash Stillettos mascara since InStyle or Marie Claire said it was their favorite second to Dior's Runway mascara.  Dior is a big favorite for people who can spend $50 plus on one cosmetic item.  The only mascara I keep going back to when I'm bored and know it will make my lashes look great is Almay's Triple Effects. Such a great mascara, it lengthens and thickens my already curly lashes.

For eyeliner, I've used the same liner since high school, Almay 16-hour liner in brown or brown-black for daily use. It's my absolute favorite liner ever.  I will be splurging on a MAC or Smashbox cream liner to try soon, but I like my old friend. We know each other very well.

It may surprise some that my rituals don't have many skin care products.  I never felt the need for all the serums or toners until recently.  I'm getting older, my skin is changing. Most people get more dry as they age, but right now I'm getting really oily.  Not just on my face, my scalp has gotten increasingly more oily causing me to change up my shampoo and conditioner often to combat this issue.  One thing I do try to enjoy once every two weeks is a mud or charcoal mask.  It helps combat the days I am too tired to stand at the bathroom sink and remove my makeup before bed.  I have tried to be more on top of taking my makeup off at night since reading in Marie Claire that sleeping with make up on for one night ages you 7 days.  One night isn't so bad but doing it nightly, builds up over time.

The first change I made was 7 months ago when I started using a toner after cleansing.  Not an astringent, even though some toners can be labeled so, but a liquid which balances out the pH of the skin. It helps with redness and irritation when you use a more striping cleanser.  I started using Murad Clarifying Toner after a facial.  It improved my monthly break out as well as some of the oiliness. It is rather expensive for how often I use it - twice a day at $22 a bottle - so I picked up a cheaper option from the Neutrogena Acne Stress Control line - I've used this line when the Rapid Clear cleanser was MIA on my local shelves.  (I've used the every cleanser in this line - foam, cream, scrub)  We will see if this cheaper alternative works as well.

I'm a big testimonial on products person.  If someone says they love it and can give me results proof, then I will be more willing to try.   I currently work from home and take online college courses so I don't have much reason to put makeup on daily.  I still need to cleanse often because of my oiliness, but I wanted a quick option.  I've been plagued with hereditary dark circles (thanks dad) and I'm a huge laugher so I have laugh lines I want to slow down a little.  As a lover of paraben-free, naturally derived, and eco-friendly I have been looking at the Yes To products for about 2 years.  I finally made the purchase after reading Sophia Bush's blog on her website.  She has her own Water Bobble filter! I tried Water Bobble after seeing her giving them away on her twitter.  I have a very weird palette when it comes to water, I can takes the littlest bit of chlorine left in it when I take a sip.  Brita filters tend to leave those impurities in the water that I can taste, so for me to make the change to a filter system and love it, then it's pretty impressive.

Well, I was browsing her blog after she posted a music option last week and she had blogged about the Yes To products she loves.  It triggered the need to try them.  I finally purchased them last night at Target and I've used them twice now.  She spoke of her love for the Yes To Blueberries cleansing wipes but I went with the Yes To Cucumbers wipes.  I need gentle and a little less nourishing because of my oiliness, and they don't currently have a Yes To Tomatoes wipe.  Of the Yes To Tomatoes line, I purchased the mask.  I look forward to trying it later tonight. The second product in the Yes To Cucumbers line I got is the Soothing Eye Gel.  WOW!  Using this with the Yes To Blueberries Brightening Eye Roller is amazing.  I have tried quite a few dark circle correctors and nothing stuck with me or worked.  I used last night before bed and my eye area is less puffy, brighter, and tighter.  ONE USE!  And I only got 5 hours sleep so my dark circles would normally be down to the bottom of my cheek bone.  I am sold on those two products alone.  I used again this morning and my eye area is even more radiant. I never believe a person when they say a product works overnight on commercials, but dang it if these two finally proved me wrong.  

The final Yes To Blueberries product is the Age Refresh Intensive Skin Repair Serum.  I have an issue of when I break out, I pick the affected area with obsession that can only be rivaled by a meth addict. I've been better about this over the years but there are a few spots where my skin shows discoloration and I wanted to correct it while I'm still young.  The product also corrects firmness - feels better already, reduces wrinkles, and protects skin.

One night and I'm sold on this company.  And to make things better a portion of proceeds got to the Yes To Seed Fund which works to engage children with Mother Nature.  How cool is that when kids are such indoor creatures anymore.

There you have it.  My new and old skin care rituals.  What are yours?

Peace & Love - and good skin!

Favorite Items of the Day

Ok, so my fav website HelloGiggles has two features which I adore.  Molls' weekly "5 Favorite Things" and the "Item of the Day".  I have yet to contribute to a reply to Molls' weekly video with my own, but I think this blog will suffice.

To start off, I've been doing a lot of internet shopping recently.  I had to find a dress and accessories for my step sister's wedding.  I'm a lover of all thing vintage and elegant. I wanted a vintage 1950's-60's dress, but because I'm curvy girl and I've gained a little weight recently I couldn't find a dress I liked.  I trolled Etsy and other sites looking for the right dress and then the right jewelry to make it pop.  What else did I end up finding on Etsy and other sites around the interwebs.

Item #1

My dress - Anthropologies' Damselfly dress

This dress is just adorable. The geometric design is retro and the shape just worked for me. It even has two pockets in that cute hidden dress style. I got it on sale and it's not available online any longer, but if you have a Anthropologie at your local mall, go grab this cute frock for $40!

Item #2

Gorgeous Mixed Media dress

This garment can be found on Etsy in Cristina Pires shop. I love the idea of this with some black leggings, funky silver jewelry, and a messy, curly updo. China Glaze's "For Audrey" polish on nails of course.

Item #3

I make lists. I have to. I would forget many things if I didn't write them down to either purchase or get done. My mom has kept me very stocked with all different sorts of notepads.  I have Hello Kitty, The Who, and many more.  But I feel I need these notepads from www.urbanoutfitters.com. 

Item #4

I just discovered the first season of six episodes last week and I'm hooked just in time for the new season to start this past Sunday. And wow did it ever start! I LOVE zombies. I don't know why, but three of my top 50 favorite movies include three zombie movies (Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead, and Resident Evil). Seriously, if you like good tv and a great zombie story, check it out!

Item #5

I have three favorite things that are shows....

Ah, film noir at it's best. Love Jason Schwartzman as Jonathan Ames is phenomenal. And two comedic geniuses of Danson and Galifianakis. I could go on and on about this show but I won't, I'll get to the next show.

Item #6

My absolute favorite new show this season? 2 Broke Girls of course! Now it has head way on the New Girl because Fox decided to be a sports network and cover the ALCS/NLCS Championships and the World Series. Now if my Red Sox had made it to the big show, I wouldn't care, but it took my shows off!  But Broke Girls is still on CBS Mondays. This show would be me in both aspects if I were broke and in Brooklyn.  I would have major life changes to make, but I'm also a hard ass when I need to be. So all I'm missing is the horse in my backyard. 

Item #7

And to end on my zombie love. These heels are both gory and girly.  I'm in love. Check out the other awesome shoes in this store! Sweet Sin Couture.

So there are my favs of the day/week, what are some of yours?

Peace & Love my friends.

Write me a letter

What ever happened to writing letters?

It used to be if you didn't like the way something was occurring, you wrote a letter.  Letters are still the number one way to get things accomplished in the world of politics. Every non-profit knows that's how you lobby for change.  Protests get the media's attention.  Letters get congress members' attention. I write letters for Invisible Children to send in masses to Congress.  And finally, it worked and the US has taken a few stands against the LRA.

Writing letters to corporations you feel have wronged you is still a very widely used format.  Many corporations post their "addresses" on their websites, but consumers would rather scream and yell at the lowest employees on the corporate rung thinking they will get things accomplished.

Today, many people went out or waited for the FedEx man to deliver their new iPhone 4S. Some people ordered their phones through a corporate store and hoped to pick them up today. Problem there, corporate store reps are screw ups.  For AT&T alone, they screw up more accounts than AT&T customer service reps can fix.  Do you complain through the proper channels, no.  You call and yell at the CSR who is lucky enough to answer the call.  They didn't change your plan.  They didn't cause you to go over your minutes. Your plan was changed by the rep who upgraded you. You went over your minutes because you don't watch your usage with their "Star Services" which you can access at almost any time (granted it's not the beginning or end of your pay cycle).

So here I am, an ex-AT&T employee who actually loved working for the company, to debunk all those myths you think you know.

1.  AT&T is activating the phones before they send them to the stores.  Ok, this is somewhat true. When you order a phone through the website, they place a pending upgrade on your account. This is so the proper terms and conditions, which you agreed to/will agree to, are applied to your account. This is to protect you and AT&T.  It's been this way for 6+ years. This is why you call the T&C 800# to activate your  phone. The SIM number and phone IMEI(phone ID#) are added to the account so you don't have to read that tiny little script to someone. And if you have a phone coming to you with these already in place, then the system won't let the reps delete it.  You have to decline the upgrade by sending it back to Texas before the system says you didn't upgrade already. Because basically, you did upgrade.  Granted exchanges can take place, but you have to accept the T&Cs for that to occur. Returns are different. And I don't feel like writing a book.

2.  It's not just this one store, it's every AT&T employee.  Eh, wrong.  Do not pass go.  It's not all employees. I did everything I could to help a customer within my ability.  If I couldn't make something happen, then it means I would lose my job to make it happen. Certain things are just ridiculous to expect, especially when you should be warned when changes to your account are made. Technically, it's all in your terms & conditions of the contracts you agreed to. Does everyone read those? No, but you have to be knowledgeable to what could happen if you go over your minutes, text, roam outside the US, etc.

3.  I'm gonna switch to another company. They are better anyway.  Eh, think again. AT&T is GSM. Used in every part of the world, others not so much.  Also, AT&T is the best. My best friend has worked for a few companies and AT&T was the best. I know from speaking to customers who switched from one of the others, that AT&T was so much better.  Huffington Post just posted a study that for iPhone users, AT&T is the best. You may not like the rules, but every company has to have them.

So to end my rant, I'll post what I said on a friend's thread on Facebook:

Here's an idea, stop using the stores. If you insist on using the same stores write a letter to corporate. There is an address on the website. It goes to regional managers, customer service vp, store managers, and will be used in training if its a reoccurring problem. I dont used stores bc I know from working for AT&T that store reps are the problem with the company, no one else. They change so much crap on accounts to get a commission then pass the blame. They don't do their jobs and no one complains the proper way. They go on social media sites and make threats. Just saying, that's the way things are done now a days. Think back to the early 90s and write a letter. As send it via the real mail. Don't complain to stores or CSRs. They have rules they have to stay within or they could lose their jobs. And in this economy, they want their job just as much as you want yours

 Basically, I repeated everything in the blog.  Some CSRs will take their job serious like I did.  They can submit the complaint for you but others won't do it or they do it incorrectly. Placing the comments on your account won't change it. It has to go to the VP of customer service, Regional Manager, store manager, etc.

You have it good if you are an AT&T customer.  Everyone always says the grass is always greener on the other side, but how true is that? Not very.

Peace & Love my friends.

Cough drops & tissues & medicine, OH MY!

It's been a while. College classes have taken up a lot of my time.  I hate that I haven't been as diligent with writing as I was before. But managerial accounting is a horrible class which I'm not certain why I really retook this class.  Since I haven't written in a while, I have a few things to talk about.

After being sick for a week now, I've spent a lot of time in front of my television watching every movie I love; among new episodes of my favorite shows.  Seriously, Zooey Deschanel's new show is pretty frickin' amazing. I am beyond thrilled that Netflix finally added Halloween: H20 to Instant. I've been wanting to watch it again for a while, but let's face it, I don't need another movie in my DVD collection which is gonna be there late at night for me to watch only to give me nightmares.  (I like watching horror movies at night. I haven't had a nightmare in a while.)

So what did I watch this afternoon?  "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead"  Such a classic. Before I knew how great a movie this truly was, I wanted to be an "executive administrative assistant to the VP of Operations". Yeah, high hopes! I thought it was a glamourous job in fashion which would lead to travels to Paris and Milan. I was eight years-old.  I now know better, yet the salary for said job I think is still $37,000.  Kinda sad, that was twenty years ago.

I watched a few movies which I tend to watch over and over. I watched the second episodes of my favorite shows:  Criminal Minds, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, Parenthood, NCIS, L&O: SVU, New Girl, 2 Broke Girls, etc. I watched Weeds and The Big C end seasons.  And one night when I was unable to breathe or sleep, I watched Sister Wives.  Yeah, I'm not proud of it, but I watched it and I kinda like watching the family dynamic.  It's intriguing.

The episode I caught one night was pretty interesting.  They were trying to find a social setting for their teens to meet kids their own age and help them adjust to moving to Vegas from Utah.  They visited a church to speak with the pastor to determine if it was a place for their kids.  They were really concerned the kids in the youth group or their parents would judge or not be accepting.  And while I may not agree with their lifestyle choices, I can't help but disagree with anyone willing to judge them for it.  I'm a Christian.  I was raised with the understanding in which God is our only judge.  It's now our job to place judgement, and in a church setting, you should have a guarantee of this.  It's just something that stuck with me from watching one episode.  And that's what I'm watching right now as I write this.

I'm a very open-minded person so it is hard for me to see people be judged by individuals or groups who claim to be Christians.  I'm a very non-conforming person.  I'm not main stream in thinking or actions. I may dress 'normal', but I'm so individualistic it's not funny.  I don't like for anyone to feel left out or secluded; especially anyone under the age of 18.

I feel like I've written enough for one blog, hopefully I can stay on one topic in the next one.  I'll probably have something to discuss tomorrow.

Peace & Love my lovelies.

Moving BLOWS!!!

Moving sucks. Moving sucks even more when you have 12 days until you need to move and you haven't secured your next habitat. Yeah, I'm not happy.

I have tried with individuals, complex apartments, and even real estate office property management. The complex showed me an apartment that REEKED of smoke. The individuals just left me hanging. And the real estate office WILL NOT REPLY BACK TO ME! Five times I have requested info on condos/townhouses that are on their websites & craigslist. Five times they have replied back 5 plus days later to tell me the place has been rented. I feel they aren't even giving me a chance. I have to have a place by Monday, I can't wait any longer. I don't want to live in an apartment complex anymore. I'd rather live in a condo complex or townhouses. People are just better in those places. And by better I mean, not ghetto.

I have started packing up my apartment but I still have A LOT to do. My kitchen is a mess. My livingroom looks like a bomb went off. My bathroom and bedroom are the only places I can truly relax without thinking "what should I do next?"

I have also downsized a lot. I have over 8 bags ready to go to Goodwill. I'm sure I'll have more soon. But for now this is all. I have an ear ache and can't really do much because it just hurts.

To anyone moving, I feel your pain.

Peace & Love

I Hate Walmart

I'm not talking I dislike going there, I'm talking I hate the company and the injustices they do to the Mom & Pop businesses. Any small business owner who is in "competition" with any product of service provided by Walmart is bound to suffer. I'm the child of small business owners. We ran the gauntlet with Walmart.

I feel for the families that will lose their businesses, homes, livelihood at the hands of this giant. These are families who can't put food on the table or clothing on children's backs without the income. It's sickening the lack of loyalty some patrons show. Just because a chain store needs a new manager is never a reason to quit a store. There are more people who benefit from your business than just the manager.

I'm a highly loyal person. I think when someone shows you a niceness, goodness, and/or offers a good product, then I think you should reciprocate with loyalty. You should also know if the product is better, as good as, or worse than what you are currently or could be consuming and if the overall cost is worth it. Reasons I say this, many people will spend less on a product that they will end up replacing more and paying more for than the premium product. NAPA is a great example of this. Sure I was raised by NAPA store owners and I worked in the stores. But when you have a long time customer come in who went to the "cheaper" place and say they bought 3 of a certain part in 6 months when that part should last 2-4 years then it gives me backing. Yadda, yadda, yadda, I could go on and on, but you get what you pay for.

I will take personalization and not being treated like a number any day over just being another credit card swipe. At my local grocery store, I know the names of my cashiers. The managers walk around all the time. We have BUTCHERS you can talk to who can SPECIALTY cut something for you, or special order something for you. I shop local. I buy local produce either at my grocer or from the farmers. My grocer labels locally grown produce. My grandma got jealous last year on Easter because I was making candied sweet potatoes and she couldn't find any. Locally grown, HIGHLY available. And they were dang good. Most people think it's progressive to buy local, organic, grassfed, to me it's just what I grew up doing.

I just ask again and again, inform yourself of what you are buying into and what you are putting on and in your body. I genuinely care for your health, even if I don't know you.

Peace & Love

What Do I Have To Do?

Sometimes, I have to wonder what is wrong with the world when a loyal, faithful, honest, and intelligent person can not be deserving of finding happiness in a loving relationship. I feel I'm deserving of happiness, companionship.

I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to relationships. I have horrible luck with guys. I wasted the time where most people find the love of their life waiting for a guy to come around and figure out I'm who he wanted to be with. I wasted a third of my life on a dead end. Now I'm glad I ended it, and I definitely learned from it, but I am ready for the next phase in my life.

I'm a selfless person. I get more upset when someone wrongs my loved ones than when I'm wrong. Just tonight I was in tears because my mom and stepdad were upset and being wronged. And maybe because I'm not selfish, I don't stand up for myself enough or fight hard enough. I waste more time going back to my past and hoping I'll be able to fix things with guys I neglected or didn't fight for while I was waiting on the other guy. A picture was posted from Junior year Homecoming Pep Rally on Facebook and I'm wearing his football practice jersey. I also have blonde hair and want to Photoshop both out.

So tell me, what do I need to do to find a real man?

PS - When someone does something for you out of the good of their heart, don't be a brat and make expectations that they need to live up to, to make you even happier. If you are given or gifted something, then you need to appreciate what you are given and don't be a selfish bastard. That is all.

Peace & Love

We All Know What Assumptions Do...

...they make an ass out of 'u' and 'me'. And this happened to be last night. For 13 years I've thought one girl I went to high school with hated me. I finally got the courage to confront her, 10 years later. Well it turns out, not the case. I felt like a real a-hole. I lumped her in with a group where at least one person started a rumor about me and an ex who was dating another girl all through school. The other girl heard the rumor and hated that he and I were so close. She went to an entirely different school than we did.

I based all my thoughts on going to my 10-year reunion on the assumptions I made. It's crazy how many times this can actually happen in life. A person, or two persons can be shy enough to think there is an issue where there is none.

So after a long, long conversation, we hashed it out and made things right. 10 years too late, but better late than never.

The reason I've let this bother me is any friends I've made in the last few years, get me at my best. The people who knew me when I was 12-18 got to see me at my awkward time. Where I was growing into my body, I was a gangly 12 yr old at almost six feet tall. If you saw me at my worst, I take your opinion of me a little more to heart. I'm confident with who I am now. The people I know now can take it or leave it. I'm not a hard partying person. I don't need to go out partying all weekend like some of my new friends. I'm 28 years old. I'm past my party-hardy stage. But I do still enjoy the rock 'n roll part though.

Peace & Love my dears.

Eco-packaging

Alright, so I'm a lover of all things Green. I was elated the first time a store took the initiative and wrapped my two pairs of TOMs shoes with a piece of twine to carry them. And today, when i received my two new pairs of Sanuk Yoga mat flippy floppies, they came in a biodegradable bag. AMAZING! It's so great when stores or brands take the initiative like that.

I hate when I leave a store with one item and forget to bring my own bag or the clerk tells me that no I can't "just place it in my purse". Uhm rude! Mother Earth needs no more plastic bags in the landfills. I want the earth to be a safe and beautiful place for my kids to grow up and for their kids, and so on. Granted, I am super single, but still, it's the thought that counts. And, I have tons of friends having babies.

I used pine kitty litter, reusable grocery totes, and I try to be a good recycler in a complex which doesn't have a recycling center. My mom and I are notorious for seeing a cute reusable shopper tote and being unable to pass up buying it. I have two wine bottle/jar reusable totes because every time I go to Trader Joe's, I forget it. Same goes with my IKEA bags, got two or three of those. (Also, IKEA like Sam's Club, does not give you bags.) Sam's Club has been green before most other stores. But when you think about it, we were so green prior to like 1995 then all hell broke loose and we started consuming so much styrofoam and plastic we will never be able to recover.

I can remember when all they used at Krogers was paper bags. Soda came in glass bottles that you took back to the store to be cleaned, reused, over and over again. I can remember fighting with my cousin to see who could place the bottles up on the conveyor belt that took them to God knows where at Krogers. It wasn't until Krogers remodeled the second time in my life about 1998 that the opening went away.

I used to walk or ride my bike every where. As kids, we looked forward to the days we could walk to church or to the market (yes, an actual market where you could buy some food and drinks). The market started out as run by my family but then moved on to another. If we couldn't get permission, we'd sneak up the rail road tracks to grab a Canadian Water, carbonated Cherry flavored water and some candy. Oh, the candy. We bought most of our vegetables there and at the farmers market. I grew up going to the farmers market with my mom, grandma, and aunts. The farmers knew my grandma by name, and it used to be the only place you could get Oliverio's peppers (a true WV delicacy). The farmers market used to be in a open air space under I-77/64 right before the split in Charleston. I loved running around that place.

My grandparents always had a garden, my grandpa still does. It's his hobby, true gardening. He grows some of the best tomatoes and cucumbers. He even started growing cabbage and lettuce. He would grow the cucumbers and peppers and my grandma would make me dill pickles and the rest of the family hot pickled peppers. And beets, she would can beets every year. Not my thing but she was good at it. I always helped with the tomatoes and green beans. Half runners and canners. From blanching the tomatoes to peel the skin, to squishing them down in the Mason jars. My grandma's family were all farmers, and she raised me like that too. My mom's dad would take me to make apple butter with our farmer friend, and we bought a lot of canned goods from her too. And her strawberries. She can grow fruit then make preserves like no one else. We even had a peach tree that I started with a pit when I was like 6 years old.

I miss when I was a kid, I think thats part of the reason I like living in the South so much. I grew up in a family who could provide for themselves if the need be, and while I live in a large metropolitan area, I'm not far from farm land. There are black angus cattle a mile from my apartment. The South may grow and expand, but the history is still there. Now if only there were more historical homes and buildings like in Charleston, Huntington, Boston, New York, Pittsburgh, I'd be completely happy. And an old rialto theater like the Keith Albee in Huntington. I miss that place. Such a pretty, historical building.

Peace & Love my friends.

Deals, deals, deals!

I know I posted fashionable beach attire for the curvier girls, but I actually went shopping and found some really nice, affordable items I feel I should share. Ok, now that the run on sentence is over.

I started at Old Navy. Why? Because it was the farthest away from the others and near Super Target. I knew I needed to go to Target for a couple cover-ups, so really Target was the first. There I got the two cover ups I had pre-shopped for. Pre-shopping is how I keep from going overboard. I always pre-shop online.

Coverups:

I really liked these two. The grey one isn't really a coverup but it's made of jersey cotton and I can wear it out if I choose to do so. The striped was just one I had liked as soon as I saw it. I'm not a lover of things pink, but I liked the flowers.

Both also come in different colors. The grey comes in a WIDE range. The striped comes in a green/white with a blue anchor and a plain grey/white.

At Old Navy I found an amazing pair of bermuda shorts which I ended up buying in three colors. They fit amazingly well and also LOOK cute on. Some things that fit, don't always look good once you get them on. I was doing dances in the dressing room and even sent my mom a picture of myself in the mirror with a thumbs up. That's how excited I was. I also found a cute tank top, so for 4 items I spent 75 bucks. On top of the $35 I spent on the coverups.

After leaving Old Navy and getting my fatty old cat reduced calorie food at Petco, I ventured down to Birkdale Village 5 minutes from my apartment. I love Birkdale. It has a vast variety of shops and eateries in an outdoor complex. It's so great in warm weather, which we get from end of March to mid-November.

My stepdad is a Banana Republic feign. He can blow a grand in there easily. In October he did just that. Part of his October purchase were two pairs of casual shoes, same style two different colors of brown. He wanted the black ones, so I had to go get them. I had to stop myself from getting a new dress and some shirts from BR. Such cute things. If you like Banana Republic, you should check out some of the things they will have on sale in the next 4 weeks! Also, they started this thing where they email you your receipt. I'm a HUGE fan of doing anything you can to go Green and save from throwing away papers.

Walking back to my car, I popped into American Eagle. I know I'm almost 30 and need to limit the things I wear from AE, but my mom's mother and my youngest aunt (40) don't get that. So I had 50 bucks in gift cards from CHRISTMAS! Shows how little I really do shop in there. I do where AE jeans because they fit me the best right now. Once I drop my injury/surgery weight (down 5 lbs!) I'll wear more Banana Republic and J.Crew (I'm really not allowed in here, I would really blow a couple grand!).

Well once I was in AE and looked around I noticed they were having a SALE! I'm talking $20-30 tees and tanks for $7-11! I spent my gift cards and $9 more. I got 5 tees and a tank. None of them are teeny or too young looking either. Not trashy, but adult casual looking. Granted I need to take one top back and get a bigger size, because it's a more fitted shirt and I need it a little more loose.

I was very proud of my purchases and my ability to stay within my budget while keeping in my age range and not going trashy. Run on sentences strike again!

I meant to go back to Old Navy this morning and get a couple $2 basic racer backed tanks, but I slacked and didn't. They are still on sale tomorrow.

Anyone else find any good deals? Anyone have coupons for anything? (Again, I'm saying this with the hopes someone who reads this will comment.)

Peace & Love

How Not To Overpack?

I really hate trying to decide what to take on any trip. I overpack all the time. I take three weeks worth of clothes and only need 5 days. This Summer, in three weeks really, I'm going to Oak Island with my entire family; 40 of us. I need cute outfits to wear out to dinner or a bar, but I don't really have any clothes worth taking right now.

My main issue with Summer trip clothes is I'm a curvy girl. I recently had shoulder surgery and put on an extra 20 lbs. I'm not any bigger than a size 14 but short shorts, tight tanks, and maxi dresses don't look right on me. I'm going to the beach for 7 days in a few weeks and while I've lost 5lbs recently, it's still hard for me to find weather appropriate, cute clothes to wear. This great site, hellogiggles, put together this really cute "What To Pack For Vacation" article. But as stated before, I have a booty, boobies, and thick thighs. I've always hated short shorts. My legs are long so even a 5 inch inseam looks like a short short.

So I've come up with a few tops, bottoms, and dresses that would work for a girl like me. It's a crude graphic but it works for what I'm trying to show. I'm actually getting a few things in the same style of the graphics. What I've selected are: bermuda shorts, capris, two dresses to be worn as a coverup/sundress, and a few looser fitting tanks. I kept every item under $100, and most are under $50.

Click here for where you can find these items

What are your go to items for a beach trip?

Peace & Love

Music Makes My World Go Round

I need music like I need the air I breathe. I think it helps me get closer to who I am and to my spirituality. I love soft melodies, hard bass lines, and pretty pianos. Not all go together, but separately with certain voices, they can be pretty powerful. I'm always in search of new music. I am never finished. If I could work in a record store like Empire Records or the one from High Fidelity, I would probably be the most happiest human on the planet.

My love for music also breeds a love for musicians. If a guy can sing, play an instrument, or fake it, then I will swoon more than once. If a guy has great taste in music, then my heart will probably skip a beat while a blush and smile crosses my face.

This makes me want to make a short little playlist for everyone (like I have anyone reading this, no one ever comments, but I'm really doing it for me).

Two Weeks by Grizzly Bear

Cameras by Matt & Kim

In The Sun by she & him

Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars

Meanwhile... by Ashley Mendel

Sydney (I'll Come Running) by Brett Dennen

Second Chance by Peter Bjorn and John

Get Some by Lykke Li

Zebra by Beach House

Teenage Dream by Boyce Avenue

Perfect by Pink

Sail by AWOLNATION

My Brother Will Be the Death of Me

My little brother has given me three shockers this week. 1. He's getting married. 2. The girl may be pregnant. 3. He texts me just saying my cousin was in a car accident and the car flipped.

The third one really almost caused my heart to explode. I went on a spree of trying to get more information from one of my aunts and my cousin's best friend who lives 10 minutes from me.

I finally found out, they hydroplaned. The car flipped a couple times and is totaled, but they are ok. My cousin Chad has scratches, and his friend Charles, who wasn't wearing his seatbelt is banged up the worst. But thank God they were able to walk away. He was really watching over them tonight.

My brother has a way of not listening to the entire story or giving all the info. He's caused me more distress than any other person in my life. From his addiction, his car accident that almost killed him, and a multitude of other things, its a wonder my heart or brain hasn't exploded.

My cousin's best friend just called me and is going to try to call to make them go to the hospital to get checked out. Corey is a police officer and will talk sense into them. I really wish I knew if anyone else was in the car with them because one of his check-ins on Facebook showed a mutual college friend (who we both met separately) was with him on the beach trip.

So after grinding my teeth for 30 minutes, I'm going to sit back and relax for a little bit. My jaw hurts and I've given myself a headache.

Wear your seatbelts, say your prayers, and watch out when it's raining.

Peace & Love my friends

Girly Post

A week ago I purchased a Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear nail polish in "Wet Cement." It's an amazing grey that I absolutely adore. I painted my nails on Tuesday and other than chipping at the free edge (the unattached part of the nail), it's been a GREAT polish. I personally chipped away two nails, but I do that when I can't bite my nails, its an anxiety issue. The chips on the free edge could be due to me picking the color off.

It took three coats to get good coverage. Two coats would have worked had it covered close to the cuticle where the brush hits first. If you need a great polish, I would look in the Xtreme Wear line.

Also, another polish I love is China Glaze's "For Audrey"; it's Tiffany blue. I'm' wearing it on my toes right now. I love China Glaze because of the size of the polish brush they use. Helps make strokes less likely to make a mess on the skin surrounding the nail bed. I have a color I love by China Glaze, but hardly wear because it stains the nail and skin when you take it off. Acetone helps remove it but the Ovarian Cancer polish will still stain the nail bed if you have buffed too much. It's a beautiful teal, but it's not cute on skin.

I could go on and on with colors I love, so I'll just make a list.

• OPI - Yoga-ta Get That Blue = My favorite blue. Should be sapphire blue, but my purchased bottle isn't. It's much darker, so I think I got a bad batch. Nail salons I go to have the proper color and it's gorgeous.
• OPI - Pamplona Purple
• OPI - Russian Navy
• OPI - Lincoln Park At Midnight
• OPI - Lincoln Park After Dark
• OPI - Suzi Loves Cowboys
• Essie - Ballet Slippers
• Essie - Mademoiselle
• OPI - Green-wich Village
• OPI - Russian Navy Suede - little hard to remove. Very gloopy.
• OPI - Austin-tacious Turquoise
• OPI - Mermaid Tears
• OPI - Jade is the New Black
• OPI - I'm Really Not A Waitress - Wore this a lot when I was a waitress. Only red I wear.

Hope you find a color you like. Let me know your favorite polishes, I'm always up to trying a new color. If you have a shatter, let me know too. I want all but the red.

Peace & Love My Dears

Oh, to be a Princess...

You would have to be living under a rock or Antarctica to not know about the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, now the Duke William and Duchess Catherine. And I believe Antarctica has been left for the Winter by now, so they should all know about the wedding.

Because I am only a year younger than William, I feel like I've grown up with him. That and he was known to be the most gorgeous King-to-be in the land. I dreamt of being the girl he would marry when I was 15. He was truly our Prince Charming.

The Brits were less excited about the wedding for quite sometime, while we American's were hanging on every detail. I believe that has a lot to do with our not having royalty and they deal with it daily. But the world hung on every second of the wedding yesterday. I stayed up all night because it was easier than trying to wake up at 3:00AM. My stepdad got up at 3:30, and my mom at 4am.

My stepdad LOVES weddings. He cries like a baby. I even sent him a text after he tried to say he beat me up, saying "You cried didn't you, yeah you cried."

It's sad to see the future King of England marry. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong. They have been together for so long, and when they split then got back together, you just had to know she was destine to be the future Queen. Kate, or the Duchess as we should call her now, is gorgeous and as they said many times yesterday, a commoner. She comes from a family of miners, her father and mother worked for an airline, then left the business to become party planners. Self-made millionaires. My family is also miners. Just wish I had grown up in England, then I could been a Princess/Duchess myself.

Two things which won my heart were when Harry watched Kate walk up the isle then turned to his brother, who was to stay facing away, and said, "Wait until you see her." The second was when William finally got to see his beautiful bride and told her "You look gorgeous, I love you."

One thing that made me like even more Kate was she wasn't able to keep from smiling every time the crowds outside roared in happiness.

This made me think though. Would I really want to be a royal? I would love to lead a life of charity like Diana had done. She was an idol of mine and I really looked up to her for all which she did. She was glamorous, beautiful, kind, and loving. She had the means to give selflessly. I think it was her heart that made me love the boys so much. But would I want a life like hers? In the public eye constantly? Having to be made up every second of every day? Wear matching clothes? Wash my hair daily? Smile even when my heart is aching?

Granted if I had her wardrobe, I'd want to look beautiful also. But I like wearing my beat up sweats and not washing my hair for a few days and wearing it back in a pony tail. I've recently been breaking out on my chin and I don't really want to be photographed, but if I was a royal, I'd have to grin and bare it.

I don't talk properly most of the time, I'm from the South. I curse. I don't act properly. I burp. Princesses don't burp. I can be loud and I like rock music. I think it would be weird to hear Kings of Leon or Kaiser Chiefs played in a palace, let alone Buckingham Palace. And to live under the same roof as the Queen, that would be entirely too weird.

Now, I would still love to be royalty for the charitable factor. Use my voice to help those being harmed. I would be able to go to Uganda and the Congo to help the children. But at what personal loss would that be worth it.

Peace & Love my friends.

Make New Friends....

"...but keep the old,

One is silver

And the other gold."

Yeah, the 4H song you sing on first and last day at camp. I'm a goober.

To start off, I intended this post to be entirely about reconnecting with old friends. But I just walked my dog Daisy and some a-hole really set me off.

Everyday, morning, evening, or night, this one girl walks her three dogs, one on a leash, and two off. The two off run around chase other dogs and bark up a storm. It's 3AM and she just cause a ruckus with one dog she kept yelling "Princess" too, while most of the complex is trying to sleep a few more hours before getting up to watch the Royal Wedding, or work. Most will be going to work. My complex and the town of Cornelius requires dogs be leashed and under the control of their owners at all times. Sure 3AM is an unlikely time for a dog attack, but it caused a disturbance and scared the crap out of Daisy.

I have a general hatred of small dogs. I've only ever liked five small dogs. Two belonged to my friend Kim, two belonged to my NC mom Linda, and the other was another friends, but ended her life with previously mentioned Kim. I detest anything that yaps and makes too much noise. I seem to always live next-door to a yipping Jack Russell that barks for attention while their owner is gone.

Moving on to the reason behind this post. I have recently started getting reconnected with old friends and past objects of affection. Now friends, I have mutually reconnected. Objects of affection, they have connected me.

Friends who have been in my life for long times and played significant parts in my life. The previously mentioned Kim is one of my closest and dearest friends. She and I were like sisters but better because we weren't related.

Now the objects of affection. One was my Sophomore year boyfriend and his younger brother dated my step-sister. The other was my Senior year prom date. He and I never officially dated, but he seems to have a lot of question about what might have been. I can't help but question it too now. Both have expressed a want to grab a bite to eat or get together.

Our ten year reunion is months away. I'm excited to see "my boys", my best guy friends from junior high up. My friend Chris and I have been trying to get together for 3 years. His dad and my dad went to school together and Chris was the person I talked most things out with. Thomas and I have been through a lot together also. He and Chris would fight to see who could be called my best friend. Both would do almost anything for me. Thomas was my Junior prom date; he asked me 5 days before the dance and I didn't have a dress. One of the best nights of my life yet. And the list just goes on. I had more guy friends than girl friends. Kim has been the longest lasting girl friend I've had.

I've had trouble keeping the new friends. I'm not sure why? Maybe I try to be friends with the wrong types of people. Or maybe they are the right kinds of people, just the wrong time. I like hanging out with my neighbors but they are still in the party all the time part of life. They are within three years both sides of my age. I'm just over all of that. I'm the sit back with a glass of wine and play Trivial Pursuit or other board games type of person. Sure they do that sometimes, but it's mostly get drunk, get drunk, get drunk. I'm just not into that. I don't look forward to puking or being so dehydrated I can't move. I suffered a really bad dehydration in January and I don't want to relive that again.

Does anyone have any recommendations for making new friends? I can keep the ones I want to keep.

I am a Christian

Now sometimes when that statement is uttered, I get a look of question. What does it mean in this day? To me it means that I have willingly accepted the love of God. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I know where to turn to when I need assistance, whether good or bad, and I know He's always there for me.

The last six days had been really tough for me. I suffer from depression/anxiety and I was out of medication. I was unable to refill my prescription and I went through the withdrawals that anyone would have from a drug they were taking for 9 months. I was unaware until today that my brother was/is going through the same thing.

Saturday and Sunday were my worst days. Until I downed the first pill yesterday afternoon, I was at a point that equalled my lowest low. I hadn't been that low since my grandmother passed away and yesterday I was begging God for his and her comfort. I cried, bawling my eyes out for the comforting hand of my grandmother and prayed she would talk to God directly for me. Now I know, I have the ability to talk to Him myself, but I thought a conversation with her, a God-fearing woman who served him for 78 years had a little more pull than my 28 years of on again/off again worship.

When I say that it was on again/off again, I don't mean I turned my back on my faith and denounced the church. I'm not made to be perfect and I've done somethings in my life I know God has looked at my family that's with him and said "Really, this is the youngest female decedent you've left me with. Couldn't you have given me someone along the lines of Mother Madonna than Madonna the singer?" But God loves me even though I haven't walked the straightest line he drew for me. Let's face it, I can't walk a straight line at my best and I've got the bruises to prove it.

When I first got saved, I didn't know the true meanin behind it. I've been re-saved since then because I felt reaffirming my love and passion for Christ and my faith was needed. When I was 13 my church had a lock in. At this lock in as they had at every lock in they showed a Revelations film about armageddon. I feel now that this movie was a propaganda-ish film set to scare teens into being Saved for the wrong reasons. Five of us came forward to be saved that night and I know none of us knew what we signed up for. So through my late teen years and my early twenties I continued praying to God for guidance and not really listening to everything he had to say. He was a third parent telling me what was best for me. Granted he knows what's best for me, he still let me fail, stumble and fall because he knew it was better I learn on my own.

It wasn't until I met my stepdad's brother and his wife that I truly understood what being a Christian was about. I grew up Southern Baptist, and in my experiences, that's about as judging and hypocritical a person could get in my community. When I met my now aunt and uncle I saw Christians weren't all high-strung, boring people who couldn't laugh at themselves. I finally saw what true Christians were. And that's when I knew my grandmother had been my first glimpse at that, but she just called herself a follower of Christ.

When I do something now, not only questioning how will God look upon this, I kinda question how my aunt and uncle would see it too. They may not be the judge I meet when I reach the gates, but they could be really great character witnesses on my part.

But back to the real reason I started this post. I realized last night that I had reached my rock bottom emotionally. I was feeling every bad feeling I had been able to mask with Cymbalta. Now I know I need to deal with issues and not let them fester into a giant disease that could end me, but I also know chemically imbalanced people can't always right the sinking ship themselves. And that's where I was at. Months ago my loving aunt (they are all loving but this one I've been speaking of is just amazing) recommended a book to me. It is Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I've been reading it off and on because I do nit want to push it. I don't want to make myself read about God, His son and the miracle of their love because in the past if I'm made to do something I rebel. And I don't want to rebel from God.

At my lowest of lows I wanted to read and calm myself. I had just started a Vonnegut novel but it wasn't entertaining me. So I scrolled through my Kindle and begged for something to jump out at me. I saw the book and thought I really haven't taken the time to read this one in a while and if Fiction isn't helping, maybe this will.

Tonight I picked up my Kindle and started reading it again. Today my brain isn't hurting, my body isn't in a state of withdrawal and I realized how much God helped me yesterday. He listened to me cry, let me do what every other self-hating person does, but when I was ready to actually suck it up and listen, he didn't talk, he showed me with the words another Christian had written about him.

I'm in no way a person who pushes my religion and beliefs on someone, but to me the signs of His greatness are there. Think what you want. Have your relationship with God the way you want to do so. If you don't believe the words of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, et cetera, and so on, then that's your call also. But I am here, a follower of the word of Christ, the son of God showing you how he helped me in my moment of complete and utter weakness, not to mention all the times he's helped me when I've been so strong I've scared myself.

If you have gone to a church that made you feel like the other church goers in the pews beside you were judging, then I say don't turn your back on God because of those who chose to cast stones. Search out a church that makes you feel like despite your greatest weakness, you are equal to every person beneath the roof until you are before St Peter's gates to receive God's final judgement.

One of my weaknesses I'd actually getting to the church that makes me feel that way. Kinetic Church is such a wonderful place to be on a Sunday morning.

My challenge to you is if you feel like you should be in church but hadn't found the right one or you don't feel at home where you are. Find the church that is a true fit for you. There is one, but it's all about the patience of finding it. Ask around, try them out until you find it.

Faith, Hope & Love

SP




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Highly Recommended

I just recently finished reading Water for Elephants and I beg you to read it. The story is amazing and if given the chance to meet someone who has worked on a circus like Jacob, I would sit for days and just listen to the stories.

It reminds me of the man who lived across from my grandparents. Ok, so down the block from me. I used to play with this granddaughters and swing on their porch swing. When he was diagnosed with cancer, Mr. Whitley had a need to talk to everyone and tell them his stories. He was in the Navy and could stand talking for hours about life on the ships. A ship he was on was hit by a torpedo, and they had so many men on the ship they slept in hammocks five and six staked high. He was a good man and loved our dogs. When my grandpa was going to Lexington, Kentucky to fight for his pension, Mr. Whitley would feed our lab Mojo and let him lose to do his business. My grandma wasn't able to take care of the animals for the last years of her life. And even though he had cancer, he was a completely self-less man. I also remember the day he passed. I was visiting my grandma. My aunt went over and sat with him before the funeral home came.

I always enjoyed spending time with my grandparents and that is one thing I dearly miss about being in West Virginia. I used to sit watch TV and talk every night with them before I moved back to Huntington. When my grandma got sick, I didn't know that the last time we all sat in the livingroom would be the last. I always made sure to talk to her at 9PM evert night though. Now 3 1/2 years after she passed away, I would give anything to listen to her talk about someone I don't know or hear her call me "Karen", because after her first stroke, she always called me that and called my aunt, Sarah. Or how she always thought voicemail was like a answering machine and you could hear the person as they were recording it.

"Sarah, pick up! Caaaalllll Meeee!"

Peace & Love

About to get real...

I have been cleaning my apartment for days to make it presentable if my father should show up with my brother on a short visit tomorrow. My father is a real jackhole and would pick apart the new life I've made for myself without him. I live in a really nice apartment and I wanted it to look like I had a maid come in daily.

As I was speaking with my brother to see when he would arrive, he told me I should watch tonight's Intervention on A&E. It's an In-Depth view on Hillbilly Heroin. For those of you not attuned to life outside the big cities, instead of doing real heroin, opium, and other illicit drugs, the people in West Virginia, Kentucky, Southern Ohio, and others have moved to going to pain clinics to get oxycodone, oxycontin, percocets, methadone, morphine, and other prescription pills. My baby brother is a recovering addict.

It is because of him, I hope to work as an addiction specialist in the future. I've seen how easy it is to become victim to pills. Even taking as many as 4 percocets which have been legally procured, can start an addiction. My brother's started with a dirtbike accident at the age of 15 and only end three years ago when he was 22. He went to an addiction specialist after a year and they put him on suboxone. I never understood why Dr. Drew Pinsky was so against the quote/unquote addiction treatment. After seeing how my brother reacted on the drug and then almost killing himself by flipping his Silverado one night while under the influence of the drug, I needed no more proof.

My brother was then hooked on the suboxone. He went through his second detox at home in December 2009, three months short of his two year mark for being clean.

His first detox started mere days before I moved to North Carolina. He was kicking so hard and the only way we could make sure he couldn't use while my mom and stepdad helped me move was to strip him of car keys, cell phone, and money. He was locked in the house with no outside contact. He went through every step of opiate detox.

His second detox was worse than the first. He flew to Florida two weeks before Christmas and quit the suboxone that first night. It took longer to get the treatment drug out of his system than the initial drugs. He started kicking within hours when he quit hydros, oxy, percs, etc. It took 4 days to start kicking the second time. He was still dope sick when he flew back to West Virginia.

When my brother found out I was having shoulder surgery, the first thing he told me was, "If you get hooked on pills I'll kick your ass."

I'm happy to say, due to my doctors office's policy and my inability to know where to find more pills, I did not become addicted to the pain pills.

During the last year, I also had a friend become addicted to pain pills. I have now helped two people during their addiction and I want to help more. Granted, I don't know how my friend is now or if she is still sober, because she just dropped me from her world. My mom mentioned that she may have relapsed. That is probably true. I can tell when some one is an addict. No matter what their drug of choice is, I can tell. Alcoholism, coke heads, pill heads, heroine addicts, they all have similar ticks.

If you are or know someone who is an addict, then please get help. Drug/alcohol abuse is not the answer. You are killing yourself and hurting not only yourself, but your family too. My brother's addiction helped kill my grandmother. He was using when she passed away and he feels a lot of guilt because of that.

Talk to someone. When you get your thoughts and feeling out in the open you are forced to deal with them. When you deal with them, you can learn to cope through other mechanisms. Go to meetings, go to church, make new friends.

My neighbors are great people. I love their personalities and hanging out with them is always an adventure. But they have to be drinking from the time they get home on Friday until the time they go to bed on Sunday night. They may not see their alcoholic ways, but they have to drink. My dad is the same way. He doesn't drink 24/7 but when he drinks, it's never just one or two drinks. He's an alcoholic. My Aunt Kathy was the first person to point out what he was. My cousin is the same way. He is 6 weeks younger than me and we grew up like twins. Aunt Kathy sat us both down two weeks before my 21st birthday and told us how we needed to act when we were drinking. Granted we both had been drinking for years before we were legal, but still we needed to hear that as long as we were responsible there was no problem in drinking.

I love drinking, I love the warm feeling that fills me and how fun everyone is to be around. When I was 21 I was the last person standing after a long day of drinking. I could hold my alcohol like no one else. For this I was a hit with all my guy friends. I was the go to drinking buddy. I used to drink 3-4 glasses of wine a night after college. It was my wind down. I continued this until sometime last year. When you have dealt with and been around addicts like I have, you have to know how to control the urges.

I've done my share of drugs and been an alcoholic. I've watched both parents with a nicotine habit. My grandparents with nicotine habits. Cigarettes are a drug to me. Nicotine is far worse than heroine because the government says they are safe enough to regulate. Addiction is addiction.

I'm here for anyone who needs help. I may not know you, I may not be right beside you. But I can help you get to someone close to you.

Peace & Love My Friends.

Currently Playing

*not my photo, found it and loved it.

Instead of reading this past 30 days, I've been watching a ton of movies and listening to even more music. Listening to music is my favorite thing to do. Without music, I would be a boring slob. There is probably a song which defines every waking hour of my existence. But right now, these are the songs I've been overplaying.

Coconut Records - Nighttiming

Avett Brothers - I and Love and You

The National - Fake Empire

Foo Fighters - Rope

Dead Man's Bones - Pa Pa Power

The Decemberists - This Is Why We Fight

The XX - Crystalize

Radiohead - Lotus Flower

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks

Jonsi - Go Do

Robert Palmer - I Didn't Mean to Turn You On

Bruno Mars - Marry You

OneRepublic - Everybody Loves Me

Anberlin - Inevitable

Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful