Oh, to be a Princess...

You would have to be living under a rock or Antarctica to not know about the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, now the Duke William and Duchess Catherine. And I believe Antarctica has been left for the Winter by now, so they should all know about the wedding.

Because I am only a year younger than William, I feel like I've grown up with him. That and he was known to be the most gorgeous King-to-be in the land. I dreamt of being the girl he would marry when I was 15. He was truly our Prince Charming.

The Brits were less excited about the wedding for quite sometime, while we American's were hanging on every detail. I believe that has a lot to do with our not having royalty and they deal with it daily. But the world hung on every second of the wedding yesterday. I stayed up all night because it was easier than trying to wake up at 3:00AM. My stepdad got up at 3:30, and my mom at 4am.

My stepdad LOVES weddings. He cries like a baby. I even sent him a text after he tried to say he beat me up, saying "You cried didn't you, yeah you cried."

It's sad to see the future King of England marry. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong. They have been together for so long, and when they split then got back together, you just had to know she was destine to be the future Queen. Kate, or the Duchess as we should call her now, is gorgeous and as they said many times yesterday, a commoner. She comes from a family of miners, her father and mother worked for an airline, then left the business to become party planners. Self-made millionaires. My family is also miners. Just wish I had grown up in England, then I could been a Princess/Duchess myself.

Two things which won my heart were when Harry watched Kate walk up the isle then turned to his brother, who was to stay facing away, and said, "Wait until you see her." The second was when William finally got to see his beautiful bride and told her "You look gorgeous, I love you."

One thing that made me like even more Kate was she wasn't able to keep from smiling every time the crowds outside roared in happiness.

This made me think though. Would I really want to be a royal? I would love to lead a life of charity like Diana had done. She was an idol of mine and I really looked up to her for all which she did. She was glamorous, beautiful, kind, and loving. She had the means to give selflessly. I think it was her heart that made me love the boys so much. But would I want a life like hers? In the public eye constantly? Having to be made up every second of every day? Wear matching clothes? Wash my hair daily? Smile even when my heart is aching?

Granted if I had her wardrobe, I'd want to look beautiful also. But I like wearing my beat up sweats and not washing my hair for a few days and wearing it back in a pony tail. I've recently been breaking out on my chin and I don't really want to be photographed, but if I was a royal, I'd have to grin and bare it.

I don't talk properly most of the time, I'm from the South. I curse. I don't act properly. I burp. Princesses don't burp. I can be loud and I like rock music. I think it would be weird to hear Kings of Leon or Kaiser Chiefs played in a palace, let alone Buckingham Palace. And to live under the same roof as the Queen, that would be entirely too weird.

Now, I would still love to be royalty for the charitable factor. Use my voice to help those being harmed. I would be able to go to Uganda and the Congo to help the children. But at what personal loss would that be worth it.

Peace & Love my friends.

Make New Friends....

"...but keep the old,

One is silver

And the other gold."

Yeah, the 4H song you sing on first and last day at camp. I'm a goober.

To start off, I intended this post to be entirely about reconnecting with old friends. But I just walked my dog Daisy and some a-hole really set me off.

Everyday, morning, evening, or night, this one girl walks her three dogs, one on a leash, and two off. The two off run around chase other dogs and bark up a storm. It's 3AM and she just cause a ruckus with one dog she kept yelling "Princess" too, while most of the complex is trying to sleep a few more hours before getting up to watch the Royal Wedding, or work. Most will be going to work. My complex and the town of Cornelius requires dogs be leashed and under the control of their owners at all times. Sure 3AM is an unlikely time for a dog attack, but it caused a disturbance and scared the crap out of Daisy.

I have a general hatred of small dogs. I've only ever liked five small dogs. Two belonged to my friend Kim, two belonged to my NC mom Linda, and the other was another friends, but ended her life with previously mentioned Kim. I detest anything that yaps and makes too much noise. I seem to always live next-door to a yipping Jack Russell that barks for attention while their owner is gone.

Moving on to the reason behind this post. I have recently started getting reconnected with old friends and past objects of affection. Now friends, I have mutually reconnected. Objects of affection, they have connected me.

Friends who have been in my life for long times and played significant parts in my life. The previously mentioned Kim is one of my closest and dearest friends. She and I were like sisters but better because we weren't related.

Now the objects of affection. One was my Sophomore year boyfriend and his younger brother dated my step-sister. The other was my Senior year prom date. He and I never officially dated, but he seems to have a lot of question about what might have been. I can't help but question it too now. Both have expressed a want to grab a bite to eat or get together.

Our ten year reunion is months away. I'm excited to see "my boys", my best guy friends from junior high up. My friend Chris and I have been trying to get together for 3 years. His dad and my dad went to school together and Chris was the person I talked most things out with. Thomas and I have been through a lot together also. He and Chris would fight to see who could be called my best friend. Both would do almost anything for me. Thomas was my Junior prom date; he asked me 5 days before the dance and I didn't have a dress. One of the best nights of my life yet. And the list just goes on. I had more guy friends than girl friends. Kim has been the longest lasting girl friend I've had.

I've had trouble keeping the new friends. I'm not sure why? Maybe I try to be friends with the wrong types of people. Or maybe they are the right kinds of people, just the wrong time. I like hanging out with my neighbors but they are still in the party all the time part of life. They are within three years both sides of my age. I'm just over all of that. I'm the sit back with a glass of wine and play Trivial Pursuit or other board games type of person. Sure they do that sometimes, but it's mostly get drunk, get drunk, get drunk. I'm just not into that. I don't look forward to puking or being so dehydrated I can't move. I suffered a really bad dehydration in January and I don't want to relive that again.

Does anyone have any recommendations for making new friends? I can keep the ones I want to keep.

I am a Christian

Now sometimes when that statement is uttered, I get a look of question. What does it mean in this day? To me it means that I have willingly accepted the love of God. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I know where to turn to when I need assistance, whether good or bad, and I know He's always there for me.

The last six days had been really tough for me. I suffer from depression/anxiety and I was out of medication. I was unable to refill my prescription and I went through the withdrawals that anyone would have from a drug they were taking for 9 months. I was unaware until today that my brother was/is going through the same thing.

Saturday and Sunday were my worst days. Until I downed the first pill yesterday afternoon, I was at a point that equalled my lowest low. I hadn't been that low since my grandmother passed away and yesterday I was begging God for his and her comfort. I cried, bawling my eyes out for the comforting hand of my grandmother and prayed she would talk to God directly for me. Now I know, I have the ability to talk to Him myself, but I thought a conversation with her, a God-fearing woman who served him for 78 years had a little more pull than my 28 years of on again/off again worship.

When I say that it was on again/off again, I don't mean I turned my back on my faith and denounced the church. I'm not made to be perfect and I've done somethings in my life I know God has looked at my family that's with him and said "Really, this is the youngest female decedent you've left me with. Couldn't you have given me someone along the lines of Mother Madonna than Madonna the singer?" But God loves me even though I haven't walked the straightest line he drew for me. Let's face it, I can't walk a straight line at my best and I've got the bruises to prove it.

When I first got saved, I didn't know the true meanin behind it. I've been re-saved since then because I felt reaffirming my love and passion for Christ and my faith was needed. When I was 13 my church had a lock in. At this lock in as they had at every lock in they showed a Revelations film about armageddon. I feel now that this movie was a propaganda-ish film set to scare teens into being Saved for the wrong reasons. Five of us came forward to be saved that night and I know none of us knew what we signed up for. So through my late teen years and my early twenties I continued praying to God for guidance and not really listening to everything he had to say. He was a third parent telling me what was best for me. Granted he knows what's best for me, he still let me fail, stumble and fall because he knew it was better I learn on my own.

It wasn't until I met my stepdad's brother and his wife that I truly understood what being a Christian was about. I grew up Southern Baptist, and in my experiences, that's about as judging and hypocritical a person could get in my community. When I met my now aunt and uncle I saw Christians weren't all high-strung, boring people who couldn't laugh at themselves. I finally saw what true Christians were. And that's when I knew my grandmother had been my first glimpse at that, but she just called herself a follower of Christ.

When I do something now, not only questioning how will God look upon this, I kinda question how my aunt and uncle would see it too. They may not be the judge I meet when I reach the gates, but they could be really great character witnesses on my part.

But back to the real reason I started this post. I realized last night that I had reached my rock bottom emotionally. I was feeling every bad feeling I had been able to mask with Cymbalta. Now I know I need to deal with issues and not let them fester into a giant disease that could end me, but I also know chemically imbalanced people can't always right the sinking ship themselves. And that's where I was at. Months ago my loving aunt (they are all loving but this one I've been speaking of is just amazing) recommended a book to me. It is Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I've been reading it off and on because I do nit want to push it. I don't want to make myself read about God, His son and the miracle of their love because in the past if I'm made to do something I rebel. And I don't want to rebel from God.

At my lowest of lows I wanted to read and calm myself. I had just started a Vonnegut novel but it wasn't entertaining me. So I scrolled through my Kindle and begged for something to jump out at me. I saw the book and thought I really haven't taken the time to read this one in a while and if Fiction isn't helping, maybe this will.

Tonight I picked up my Kindle and started reading it again. Today my brain isn't hurting, my body isn't in a state of withdrawal and I realized how much God helped me yesterday. He listened to me cry, let me do what every other self-hating person does, but when I was ready to actually suck it up and listen, he didn't talk, he showed me with the words another Christian had written about him.

I'm in no way a person who pushes my religion and beliefs on someone, but to me the signs of His greatness are there. Think what you want. Have your relationship with God the way you want to do so. If you don't believe the words of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, et cetera, and so on, then that's your call also. But I am here, a follower of the word of Christ, the son of God showing you how he helped me in my moment of complete and utter weakness, not to mention all the times he's helped me when I've been so strong I've scared myself.

If you have gone to a church that made you feel like the other church goers in the pews beside you were judging, then I say don't turn your back on God because of those who chose to cast stones. Search out a church that makes you feel like despite your greatest weakness, you are equal to every person beneath the roof until you are before St Peter's gates to receive God's final judgement.

One of my weaknesses I'd actually getting to the church that makes me feel that way. Kinetic Church is such a wonderful place to be on a Sunday morning.

My challenge to you is if you feel like you should be in church but hadn't found the right one or you don't feel at home where you are. Find the church that is a true fit for you. There is one, but it's all about the patience of finding it. Ask around, try them out until you find it.

Faith, Hope & Love

SP




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Highly Recommended

I just recently finished reading Water for Elephants and I beg you to read it. The story is amazing and if given the chance to meet someone who has worked on a circus like Jacob, I would sit for days and just listen to the stories.

It reminds me of the man who lived across from my grandparents. Ok, so down the block from me. I used to play with this granddaughters and swing on their porch swing. When he was diagnosed with cancer, Mr. Whitley had a need to talk to everyone and tell them his stories. He was in the Navy and could stand talking for hours about life on the ships. A ship he was on was hit by a torpedo, and they had so many men on the ship they slept in hammocks five and six staked high. He was a good man and loved our dogs. When my grandpa was going to Lexington, Kentucky to fight for his pension, Mr. Whitley would feed our lab Mojo and let him lose to do his business. My grandma wasn't able to take care of the animals for the last years of her life. And even though he had cancer, he was a completely self-less man. I also remember the day he passed. I was visiting my grandma. My aunt went over and sat with him before the funeral home came.

I always enjoyed spending time with my grandparents and that is one thing I dearly miss about being in West Virginia. I used to sit watch TV and talk every night with them before I moved back to Huntington. When my grandma got sick, I didn't know that the last time we all sat in the livingroom would be the last. I always made sure to talk to her at 9PM evert night though. Now 3 1/2 years after she passed away, I would give anything to listen to her talk about someone I don't know or hear her call me "Karen", because after her first stroke, she always called me that and called my aunt, Sarah. Or how she always thought voicemail was like a answering machine and you could hear the person as they were recording it.

"Sarah, pick up! Caaaalllll Meeee!"

Peace & Love

About to get real...

I have been cleaning my apartment for days to make it presentable if my father should show up with my brother on a short visit tomorrow. My father is a real jackhole and would pick apart the new life I've made for myself without him. I live in a really nice apartment and I wanted it to look like I had a maid come in daily.

As I was speaking with my brother to see when he would arrive, he told me I should watch tonight's Intervention on A&E. It's an In-Depth view on Hillbilly Heroin. For those of you not attuned to life outside the big cities, instead of doing real heroin, opium, and other illicit drugs, the people in West Virginia, Kentucky, Southern Ohio, and others have moved to going to pain clinics to get oxycodone, oxycontin, percocets, methadone, morphine, and other prescription pills. My baby brother is a recovering addict.

It is because of him, I hope to work as an addiction specialist in the future. I've seen how easy it is to become victim to pills. Even taking as many as 4 percocets which have been legally procured, can start an addiction. My brother's started with a dirtbike accident at the age of 15 and only end three years ago when he was 22. He went to an addiction specialist after a year and they put him on suboxone. I never understood why Dr. Drew Pinsky was so against the quote/unquote addiction treatment. After seeing how my brother reacted on the drug and then almost killing himself by flipping his Silverado one night while under the influence of the drug, I needed no more proof.

My brother was then hooked on the suboxone. He went through his second detox at home in December 2009, three months short of his two year mark for being clean.

His first detox started mere days before I moved to North Carolina. He was kicking so hard and the only way we could make sure he couldn't use while my mom and stepdad helped me move was to strip him of car keys, cell phone, and money. He was locked in the house with no outside contact. He went through every step of opiate detox.

His second detox was worse than the first. He flew to Florida two weeks before Christmas and quit the suboxone that first night. It took longer to get the treatment drug out of his system than the initial drugs. He started kicking within hours when he quit hydros, oxy, percs, etc. It took 4 days to start kicking the second time. He was still dope sick when he flew back to West Virginia.

When my brother found out I was having shoulder surgery, the first thing he told me was, "If you get hooked on pills I'll kick your ass."

I'm happy to say, due to my doctors office's policy and my inability to know where to find more pills, I did not become addicted to the pain pills.

During the last year, I also had a friend become addicted to pain pills. I have now helped two people during their addiction and I want to help more. Granted, I don't know how my friend is now or if she is still sober, because she just dropped me from her world. My mom mentioned that she may have relapsed. That is probably true. I can tell when some one is an addict. No matter what their drug of choice is, I can tell. Alcoholism, coke heads, pill heads, heroine addicts, they all have similar ticks.

If you are or know someone who is an addict, then please get help. Drug/alcohol abuse is not the answer. You are killing yourself and hurting not only yourself, but your family too. My brother's addiction helped kill my grandmother. He was using when she passed away and he feels a lot of guilt because of that.

Talk to someone. When you get your thoughts and feeling out in the open you are forced to deal with them. When you deal with them, you can learn to cope through other mechanisms. Go to meetings, go to church, make new friends.

My neighbors are great people. I love their personalities and hanging out with them is always an adventure. But they have to be drinking from the time they get home on Friday until the time they go to bed on Sunday night. They may not see their alcoholic ways, but they have to drink. My dad is the same way. He doesn't drink 24/7 but when he drinks, it's never just one or two drinks. He's an alcoholic. My Aunt Kathy was the first person to point out what he was. My cousin is the same way. He is 6 weeks younger than me and we grew up like twins. Aunt Kathy sat us both down two weeks before my 21st birthday and told us how we needed to act when we were drinking. Granted we both had been drinking for years before we were legal, but still we needed to hear that as long as we were responsible there was no problem in drinking.

I love drinking, I love the warm feeling that fills me and how fun everyone is to be around. When I was 21 I was the last person standing after a long day of drinking. I could hold my alcohol like no one else. For this I was a hit with all my guy friends. I was the go to drinking buddy. I used to drink 3-4 glasses of wine a night after college. It was my wind down. I continued this until sometime last year. When you have dealt with and been around addicts like I have, you have to know how to control the urges.

I've done my share of drugs and been an alcoholic. I've watched both parents with a nicotine habit. My grandparents with nicotine habits. Cigarettes are a drug to me. Nicotine is far worse than heroine because the government says they are safe enough to regulate. Addiction is addiction.

I'm here for anyone who needs help. I may not know you, I may not be right beside you. But I can help you get to someone close to you.

Peace & Love My Friends.

Currently Playing

*not my photo, found it and loved it.

Instead of reading this past 30 days, I've been watching a ton of movies and listening to even more music. Listening to music is my favorite thing to do. Without music, I would be a boring slob. There is probably a song which defines every waking hour of my existence. But right now, these are the songs I've been overplaying.

Coconut Records - Nighttiming

Avett Brothers - I and Love and You

The National - Fake Empire

Foo Fighters - Rope

Dead Man's Bones - Pa Pa Power

The Decemberists - This Is Why We Fight

The XX - Crystalize

Radiohead - Lotus Flower

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks

Jonsi - Go Do

Robert Palmer - I Didn't Mean to Turn You On

Bruno Mars - Marry You

OneRepublic - Everybody Loves Me

Anberlin - Inevitable

Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful

Common Hair Missunderstandings

Yesterday I was at Walmart and in need of shampoo and conditioner. Normally I never buy those products Anywhere but a salon, Ulta, or CosmoProf. I'm a stickler for you get what you pay for and I know that most cheap brands contain wax which coats the hair shaft making it appear healthy when it's not. Pantene is one which basically has floorwax for hair in it. My mom had purchased an Organix brand shampoo and conditioner in the pomegranate scent and I had used it once an liked it. I LOVE Bumble & Bumble's Creme de Coco but right now I couldn't drop the fifty bucks to get it at my local Aveda/Bumble & Bumble salon.

As I was standing looking at the higher dollar salon(or not because they can dump it out an but Sauve it in) products I saw the Nourishing Coconut Milk shampoo and Conditioner by Organix. I'm reading the label and it's sulfate and paraben free. Meaning it has no extra chemicals to add suds or add to it's shelf life. Parabens have been known to cause cancer and sulfates are very drying on the hair. My absolute favorite sulfate free shampoo is Aveda's Dry Remedy which I got my mom using because her scalp is very dry and she lightens her dark blonde hair to a very light blonde. If you blonde your hair use a non-drying and reconstructing shampoo every 2-3 days; do not wash your hair every day.

I planned on trying this for a month then making the trip to Ulta or a salon for the good stuff. And to check out the product online to see how organic this Organix really is. I'm looking at reviews and I was really shocked
at how unaware some comsumers really are. They complained of having to use large amounts because it doesn't suds well; it's sulfate free it shouldn't suds at all really. The packaging was another topic; its recycled plastic, I'd say any package is fine. It's a nourishing shampoo and conditioner, yet people say it's drying. Then go on to mention they just had a relaxer or the don't use conditioner. Here's the thing, shampoos are made to leave your hair tangle free, they are made to cleanse the hair and scalp before you nourish and start the detangle process with conditioner. Conditioner is what adds nutrients and other compounds back to the hair after you strip it clean with shampoo. A leave-in conditioner and detangler must be used to get tangles out WITH A COMB before you run a brush through your hair and never brush wet hair. Get the hair 80% dry before you take a brush to it. You could cause unwanted breakage if you do this. My favorite leave-ins: Bumble & Bumble B-styler and Redken's Extreme Anti-snap. I've used Anti-Snap since I was 15.

Also while gazing at the products I here a butchy Walmart employee giving advice on box hair color for gray hair. One, don't use box color. At least go to Sally's get the right developer for your hair and a tube of color. Box color comes with 40vol peroxide developer. If you are going darker, same shade different tone, or one two two shades lighter you don't need 40 vol. You really never need it. It's highly damaging. The employee was also telling a lady with 100% grey that red hair is no good for gray. Only thing she got right. Further more she told her to stay away from Ashe tones because it would pull red. So untrue. Ashe will cancel reds. Warm tones like Cooper, golden, and auburn will pull red. And if you bring A LOT of red to the table you'll need to cancel it some. I bring a great deal of red to the table so unless it's Aveda color where I can make sure I'm canceling it, Ashe blonde comes out strawberry blonde.

Ok so I got off on a color tangent and I still don't know how organic Organix really is but I may have educated one person and put my hair school knowledge to use.

Edit: I will not be using the Organix brand shampoo and conditioner. After finding a page that goes over the harmful ingredients I won't be subjecting myself to the cancer causing toxins. I'm already high-risk for quite a few different cancers. I don't want to increase that chance.

Peace & Love

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